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21st-Dec-2009 04:24 pm - Pop Song Sing-a-long
I would like to think we have some control over what we become.

my mom: "What do you want for Crhistmas?"
me: "um...a toaster?"

I really couldn't think of anything i need and don't just want useless crap (other than a 73" tv but that needs to be my money if i waste it on something like that).

What worries me is where this feeling comes from.  Is it thriftiness or apathy?
Hopefully it's just winter blah's; but i worry about this attitude change from hour to hour.

Those hours at the computer on AIM
Those nights in cars and playgrounds
Late night drives
I look back less than a decade and get nostalgic? What happens in another 10?

I grip the wheel, and all at once i realize:
My life has become a boring pop song
And everyone is singing along

-- Jack's Mannequin
This fucker i work with, fucking a.  I volunteered to help out get these computers setup to a point that he could install some new program on them.  Instead, I have him ratting on me about parts that weren't done; then take care of it and mention it to me, you fucking douchebag.  And then somehow--miraculously--the email account gets uninstalled, yet the address book is still set up.

I thought helping out may get a thanks, but instead it just brings grief.  Fuck that then.
25th-Aug-2009 01:46 pm - Hello...Is anybody out there?
Update on my life:

- PT DPS Sup for Norristown/Saturday Air (UPS, West Chester)
- FT IT Specialist/Developer (PBP, Malvern)

Jennae is still lurking around every corner

- Julia & i started talking much more recently (twice > none)
- Still have not met anyone in Norristown
- Previous friends continue to slip away, like the receding tide

I never have any time.  I work 65+ hours a week for 6 days, sleep and watch tv.  I think i can best equate myself to a whore.  This is all because of money.  I should quit UPS.  But then 1 of 2 paychecks a month goes to rent and then everything else on the other.  If I'm making an extra $1200 dollars a month and i have zero savings.  Jennae got a job so that will help.

I have all these dreams and I know they will slip away if I don't change myself soon.

I strongly debated about becoming a teacher a couple months ago.  A few people warned me about the bs paperwork, but I already have plenty of that.  I think the time off would be nice, because I tend to strongly devote myself and can only remember to take time when it's in chunks.  But there is only so much salary that can be made that way.  Again, whore.

I just got an email from Epic Systems Corp.; there are three jobs that sound very interesting to me.  One requires relocation to Madison, WI, but the other two don't say anything about that--just travel 50% or 15-25% nationally. Hrmm, i will have to think about this.
9th-Sep-2008 08:49 pm - Like a Rhinestone Cowboy


Listening to Meet Glen Campbell. Campbell is best known for "Rhinestone Cowboy" but this most recent album is his attempt at Johnny Cash's America IV.  The tracks are: "Sing" (Travis), "Walls" & "Angel Dream" (Tom Petty), "Times Like These" (Foo Fighters), "Sadly Beautiful" (Replacements), "All i Want Is You" (U2), "Jesus" (Velvet Underground), "Grow Old With Me" (John Lennon), and "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" (Green Day). i like it but i read some reviews that said the Green Day song was soulless, eh, i disagree.  Also "Sadly Beautiful" is great (both versions).

Got the new Nada Surf, too. Another solid indie record...I should put the last few albums on shuffle and watch it storm some day. i somehow bought two of these, now i have to return one.

On the UPS front...I learned two things this week.
     1) i got my Panel Interview Review back today. All "strengths" but one "acceptable" and one "needs work" with the comment "(Use of appropriate language, no slang or jargon, no cursing.)"  i didn't curse so i must have used jargon; go figure, at a company that uses anagrams for everything that when describing previous incidents where i had to make judgment calls someone from outside of UPS would think i was using jargon.
     2) All new part-time supervisors start about the same or maybe even higher than what i make right now. And there are numerous PT sups threatening to quit so they're getting money too.  But being semi-reliable, doing your job and just dealing with the shit and not complaining gets you nothing. Even when i go above and beyond, running packages out after the shift.

Still nothing else on the job front. Here is the current debate: mid/late November starts peak hours and i would make more money at UPS than anywhere else, but what until then, just deal with it?  Or should i get a job at Wawa or Best Buy and cut back my hours or quit a few weeks later. If i get the job by mid-September, i could easily get two months in before, then it does make me look like such a prick.

Rodgers era has started...and they looked good more than bad.

Aquabats are coming to Philly but i will be in AZ.

At the library yesterday and was reading parts of William Shatner’s autobiography; it’s interesting, think i will read it if i remember.

i was reading a friend’s post the other day about how miserable she was out in a new town. That has always been my fear about moving too. If she reads this we can always talk.
Have to go in early tomorrow, should get to bed.

i’m going to start simulcasting this on myspace & lj.


The return of...LYRICS:

Nada Surf “Weightless”

Outside just killing time and making noise
And outside the daylight comes, the daylight goes and weightless
Affairs that weigh less always make no stairways just stairs, goes nowhere
That is a dream it is what it seems

Climbing from over stimulated states to hearing
Cold radio and licenses plates but don’t dream,
That is a dream it is what it seems

Behind every desire
is another one
waiting to be liberated
when the first ones sated

Water skiing, the waters hot, the waters soft
You act nice, a black birthday card i threw it away
Correct life, is like eating steel or flying a plane
It’s too bright, it’s too bright

Climbing from over stimulated states to hearing
Cold radio and licenses plates but don’t dream,
That is a dream it is what it seems
That is a dream it is what it seems

Why do black hats hide behind each others backs all the time?
Behind every desire
is another one
waiting to be liberated
when the first ones sated


Nada Surf “Are You Lightning?”

And so we meet and there are sparks,
It’s gold it's new and free from sharks,
Your house is big it seems so clean,
Your cleaning lady comes and we're discreet.

Are you lightning?
'Cause I'm waiting.
What's the timing?
I'm not playing.

And so i act like I'm 21,
Wide eyed and drifting unto sun,
Pay back is here my legs are numb,
I'm back, it's square one feeling dumb.

The sweet things,
When do they come?
Have i gone deaf?
What's the song?
Are you lightning?
'Cause I'm waiting,
This is frightening,
I'm not playing.

I see you in my sheets, i see you in my sleep,
I see you through the mirror
You sing we're not to steal.

The only thing I'm scared of is the secret that you keep,
I know where you are, i dunno where you are.
Don't make the other wonder the others might sting,
Tell me what you're thinking,
Do not let me twist.
Just look at the size of you.

I see you in my sheets, i see you in my sleep,
I see you with something that's funny i hear you i almost weep,

I see you from my steps, you're walking up my street,
But just look at the size of you.

I see you in my sheets, i see you in my sleep,
I see you from my steps you're walking up my street.

And just look at the size of you,
The sun shine on and on...
7th-Aug-2008 05:02 am - Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

I am sitting here at work bored thinking what i have ot still acomplish.
I saw that Cryptic Studios was hiring Jr Programmers yesterday.  Their games are apparently based of the C language, which i am familiar and pretty fluent in.  Should i apply?  They are openly recruiting and the one post from the employee said they had little tests for candidates.  Say i were to get this, it would require a move to Cali.  And i know how i would feel about having to make a move like that.  Plus, i think Jennae would feel the same way as me, and thus might not go.  Oh well i can dream.
My ipod has decided it is Deathcab/Weakerthan day.  Oh how things change in a few short years.  Posting online and listening to emo at 5 in the morning, only know i'm not in my room, i am at work.  aduthood wooo.

6th-Aug-2008 10:10 am - Update
Mrytle Beach
Let's see...

Moved to Norristown from West Chester.
Finally, graduated WCU, oh wait you didn't get this part done, nevermind, diploma arrived.
Still working at UPS, PT Dispatch Supervisor in Norristown (west chester building).
Still with Jennae, almost three years now.
Want to get a house and fix it up; i gots zero savings however.
Need another job and i've been searching monster.com lately, but no replies; UPS is in an "unofficial" hiring freeze, oh and "no overtime!".

Still wish i was a writer.
Still wish the past was more than a memory.
Quit smoking 3 months ago (tried 1/3 of a cig two weeks ago, hated it, so good); 6+ years finally over.
Still a vegetarian.

Have two kitties (Dimitri & V), three ferrets (Little Miss, Bitey, Cracker).
Reggie my dog is still around up at my parents.
Still have anxiety attacks and insecurities.

Miss my colored hair; sometimes i get away with mild coloring, but not nearly as much as before.
Never got piercing, still want them.
Never got tats, still want them.

The following people are slowly disappearing from my life:
Denise, Amber, Heather, Nica, Tara, Allison, Kulp

Where are you at now?:
Julia, Wendy

Currently reading:
Sunsets And Lovers - Tim Sandlin...B+
Life After God - Douglas Copeland (again)...A+
Hardcore Diaries - Mick Foley...B-
Death of WCW - Reynolds & Alvarez...F (guilty pleasure, i was a fan back then, obviously not "professional" writers, maybe bloggers)

Music that gives me that anxious rush that make me feel alive:

Cute Is What We Aim For
Motion City Soundtrack
Kate Nash
Early November
New Amsterdams
Greg Graffin
Alkaline Trio (though less so than before)
so much...its been years...

Jennae and i were talking the other day and decided we need friends in the Norristown area.  I hang out with my friends up north, she goes up north and to wc, we never hang out at home.  If we do live down here we need to meet people.  Where would you do this? Bars? Sports? i know i am devoid of this skill, but Jennae is too, maybe we'll just get more cats.
5th-Aug-2008 10:09 pm - Forgot again
Straight Edge Girl
So i stumbled back on to this. Turns out last time i posted, Beca commented that we should hang out that summer (two years ago), my bad.  Also i completely forgot about AboutMyLife.net which is what i used before LJ. i remember using something other than this but i wonder if there was another site used? Plus AML went down and says it will be back up but it has said that since 2003 so apparently 2-4K people's posts were just blinked out of existence; i wonder what i wrote about.

Looking through my friends...
Denise still uses this...craziness
Amber used it until a few years ago
i have Shannon as a friend but i dont remember adding her; my last post was before i knew met Jennae, coincidence?

I'm getting all nostalgic and crap. Thinking tomorrow i might start AIM back up.  I will continue tomorrow...

Myspace: lagsetsfire

oh, i forgot about the straight edge girl picture, memmmm...orIES....
24th-May-2005 07:54 am - Long No Such And Such
Haven't updated this in a long time, kind of forgot about it. The only reason i remembered was i got an email about a comment left by encantarqueso (thanks for the compliment btw, i apperciate it).

Anyhow, started useing myspace awhile ago, don't update that regularly, but maybe i should try and update both. i'll have to figure what is going on in my wild and crazy word of online journaling.


so i dont like when people talk before they know whats really goin on.
especially when question (person a) as to whether it is a guess or something someone (person b) said and person a says its something person b says and it turns out to be the other way around. and person a then feels like oops i made a mistake. that does nothing to help insecure people, watch what You tell them!

so ive know im not as close to this one group of people that i hang out with as my friend harb. but to find out the only thing anyone has ever said to describe me is "wierd" in a derogatory (sp) way, doesnt really make me feel that great. it does kind of explain some interaction ive had with a person here and there, but for the most part they do a good job at hiding it. fuckking a, be somewhat straight forward to people, if You find something they do annoying either tell them or ignore it, dont tell other people how much it bugs You.

i am a very untrusting person. when people--for the most part--live up to my fears about people, it helps to create a very antosocial environment.

i really need to talk to a friend about something, but i dont know how. not bad, just involves self-understanding and i dont know who else to talk to about fixing this problem. but i think my one friend went through it, and--at one point in time--we were a lot alike.

almost famous is on. i forgot i saw this in theaters with someone special, wow.
i cant find the quote i was looking for, but its from Douglas Coupland's Life After God about being reminded of a truly magical moment in the main characters life that he had completely forgotten about until someone reminded him.

filled my gas tank this weekend, first time its been full in a while, kind of ironic that "im not running on empty anymore."
13th-Apr-2004 05:42 pm - Maybe we already are stangers again
so havent posted in a long time.

dont really have anything to say.

flyers beating devils 2 games to 1.

think ill watch magnolia soon. saw this movie alex and emma the other day; i liked it.

harb got a subsription to Suicide Girls.

behind on some essay, dont know if they will even be accpeted, oh well. applied to west chester, maybe ill be going to real college soon.

going to stop watching buffy now and go get food.


i couldn't help but think back to the advice
that i got from my dad a few times
he said "time goes by so fast in a blink of an eye
so never close your eyes"
"i always wanted something more than 50 hours every week
and a paid vacation on the jersey shoreline"

And He said
So when ambition turns into competition
i'll never be the better man
i can't help but think back to the time
He said "life goes right by"

And told me never think twice
"You can't second guess how to live Your life"
All these years have been way too short
to be spent on some factory floor like me
i never went back again
i never looked back again

And He said
So when ambition turns into competition
i'll never be the better man
It's the last hour of the last day
don't fall so far behind now
You'll be another nameless face
He said

-- Less Than Jake "Last Hour Of The Last Day Of Work"
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